Phone Comedy

I did  a small  clip of this on Twitter a few years back.  For your enjoyment here is the expanded version.  ***

  Phone inovation has skyrocketed over recent years.  We have or have had Tracphone, Boost Phone, Alltel, Nextel, NoTel, and Axtel.  Now comes a phone targeted to comedy entertainers.  Here is the straight talk on this phone. 
  It is called Balloon Talk and it loaded with new and popular features.  Not to be out done by other phones it even has the ever popular Latexting.  It supports safe use, as it comes with a warning not to Latext and Drive at the same time. 
  It comes in three sizes: the large Celery phone, the medium Banana phone, the slightly smaller Pickle phone, and the adjustable Bubble to Bubble phone.  For those who use their left hand more often, it comes as a Left Handed Monkey phone.  A new lightweight version is coming out later this year called the Hairband Model with ear to ear reception being promised.
  Other features, besides Latexting, include Anti Spam and Anti Telemarketing with their very own announcer, sarcastic Sadie saying, "Try anyother number except this one because this one is disconneted for you, Phoneheads."  In Sandler language, we can say, " Wickedly awesome feature."  It has an adjustable digital volume control with a "Speak Easy"  function which allows you to yell without garbling out.  It comes with the convenience of Laugh Forwarding.
  There are downloadable applications such as Jewel, Glitter, and Bling Tones.  It comes in various rainbow colors such as the very rad, Radish Red and also, the always popular Cello Brown.
  It is a reliable phone.  It has passed the Applause Meter Standards.  It has been tested by RingaDingaLing Sisters Barnum and Bradley testing facilities and carries the Arf Arf Circus Seals of Approval.
You can purchase phone time in 160, 260, 350, 540, 640, and 660 units and a budget plan that can stretch your minutes.
The price is...affordable for most budgets...and will be adjusted yearly with a Cost of Helium allowance.   ***
 
  Well folks, that about wraps it up in a twisted sort of way.  This is not a paid for advertisement and if you have received this message in error do not delete but instead pass it on for laughs to other comedians, clowns, balloon twisters, and other children entertainers.  Thank You.